I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
