I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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