im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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