Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i love accidental penises.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
