I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
