good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
