i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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