We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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