Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
