I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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