Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
