wanna go halves on a baby?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
