I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
So apparently I’m into choking now
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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