Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
