living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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