i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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