K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
