Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
