You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
