I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
