i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
