i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
