I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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