she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
