you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
