The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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