She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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