That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
