Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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