A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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