And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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