i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
