Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
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