the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
she woke up with a sticky ear
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
