Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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