She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Say something about gay babies.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
