you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
