No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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