please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
