smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i think i have two assholes
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
