Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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