I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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