its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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