I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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