What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
