Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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