so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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