so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You ate ashes out of my bong
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
