Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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