i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
