A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
