Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
