I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
