So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
