oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
