You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
