Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
