fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
